To Spank or Not to Spank....

I've had some great conversations lately with my mom, cousin, and friends about their opinions on spanking as a way of discipline. I was spanked as a child, although its not the only form of discipline my parents used. I don't think that any parent would say they WANT to spank their children. I know that I'd love to not have to spank...but Asher (my 14 month old) is showing huge signs of a strong will...not easily broken. It seems that in some situations...the only way he gets the picture that NO means NO...is if I swat his little leg or hand. I hate doing it...but just saying no and removing him from the situation isn't enough. He doesn't give in easily. And I've taught preschool...and I know and have observed the "distracting or redirecting" method. But I'm not sure if I agree....especially after seeing what results it brings. I don't know if I want my child to get away with not following instruction and obeying...even at this young age. I think there should be consequences to his choice to disobey...even now. He needs to begin to learn and understand that we (his parents) are in charge. My mom made a great point about discipline the other day that has stuck with me. She said that teaching Asher to listen and obey isn't just about him obeying me....or pleasing me...or me getting my way. Its ultimately about Asher learning to listen and obey God. As I am teaching him to listen to his parents, He is learning to listen to and obey the voice of God...to desire to please Him....to desire to follow His leading in his life. So I know that these lessons start now...even this early in life. I know that I am not perfect and will and HAVE made mistakes...and thank the Lord for His grace in those times.

So anyway...I'd love to hear what my fellow moms think about all this...what you're own experiences have been with discipline...and if you have any words of wisdom for me.

To spank or not to spank...that is the question.....

What My Heart Wants...

So my life lesson lately has been...clinging to the confidence I have in my strong God. I think I've always struggled with confidence. And as a woman...I can list off a million things that make me shrink back and cower in the shadow of what I could be. I want to be bold. I want to take risks. I want to be the kind of woman that makes all those around her feel so amazing about who THEY are. I want to be the kind of mom whose kids arise and call her blessed. I want to be the kind of wife that serves her husband without thought of herself...with overflowing joy...so that the way that she serves gives her husband hope for the future, and confidence in today and who God has made him to be.
I'm just having this moment that seems to be frozen in time. I see all this life around me....and I don't want to get caught up in the UNeternal. You know...the stuff that bogs you down and makes you forget why you're alive in the first place. The STUFF. I hate stuff. It clutters my heart so much until all I can see is the STUFF and I have to wade through it all that by the time I done I'm covered in muck.
I have to stop and REMEMBER. I have to remember that I'm different from everyone...FOR A REASON. I'm me....and that's a good thing.
I....just...want whats real. I'm sick of living in the "matrix"....you know the facade...what the worlds sees. I want to see whats real. I want to see the things that God sees and seize each divine moment. I want truth.
I just want to be the kind of person that.....no one remembers what I do...what I do for a living....what I've accomplished.....all that junk. But when they think about me....they remember love and mercy, they see a real friend...they see the hand of God.

Thats just my heart in this moment.....

A Little Update...

Its been way too long since putting pen to paper (or should I say finger to keyboard). So, I thought it was high time I reconnect with my dear friends, fellow moms, family, and those who might be interested in whats going on in my delightfully crazy life.

I'll start with my sweet little boy. Its hard to believe that we've already celebrated a years completion. I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and she put it well when she said, " I spend all day every day with her (her little girl) and yet at the end of the day I'm still obsessed". Ha! I love that. And I feel the same. I spend all day with my little boy...and yet I can't get enough of that snaggle toothy grin, sweet cuddles, and contagious laugh. Now I will say that my husband and I often celebrate bedtime. Hehe... Not because we can't stand to be around our son...but just because we're POOPED when 8 pm rolls around and we can finally sit...and do NOTHING. But I agree with my friend....I spend everyday with him...and its a COMPLETE joy! He's beginning to show more and more expression, and reveal more and more personality. Its so amazing to watch him learn and grow....right before my very eyes.

Now on to me and my hubby. Life is good. Its true. Its been a hard couple of years. We've endured some real storms. But I don't think I'd have this deeper understanding of God's presence, and love, and provision...had we not endured it all. And God is so faithful. He has been drawing us closer to Him and to each other all along...and at times I didn't even see it. Its hard to explain it all without going into a lot of detail. But just take my word for it....God is more than enough for me!

My father-in-law has moved in with us and is working in the area. We're so blessed to have him so close. He's such a kind and loving man....and we're having fun being with him.

Ok...well sorry if that seemed a bit formal. I just wanted to take a few minutes to reconnect and say...I'm just SO thankful for life.

...more blunt babbling about mommyhood and all that comes with it...very soon :)

Dance in the Rain

Its been quite a while since you’ve heard from me. My life has been full of…well I could list it all…but I’m not sure I want to see the list myself…the possibility of anxiety rising to the surface and forefront of my mind is way too real. Life is crazy, indeed. But life is sweeter, and richer than I’ve ever known. The journey has not been an easy one. I don’t know if anyone can ever claim that they live an easy life. Even a life that appears carefree on the outside, most definitely still conceals a raging inner battle on the inside. It’s the humanness that we can’t avoid.
I write to you today feeling a mixture of very opposing emotions. As I write I am keeping a close eye on my precious treasure-my beautiful healthy little boy-blissfully sleeping-his cute little baby bum sticking straight up in the air as he rests his sweet tuckered out body. I feel more blessed today than any other day in my life. Yet, I have received 2 emails this week that cause my heart great pain. One from a friend telling me of her son’s impending open heart surgery (he is only 2), and the other from a cousin whose best friend is living with brain cancer…and the recent tests have not revealed any good news. My heart is breaking and I don’t understand. Life has been full of heartache for our family too. And just the moment I feel I have worked through all the questions and finally able to cling to some sort of peace…these things happen…and my faith is tested once again. Do I really trust Him? Do I really, really trust that His ways are higher?
I saw a great piece of wall art, yesterday, in one of my favorite home décor stores in the mall. It read, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” What a powerful revelation. I think I fear living in a place of stand-still…choosing to postpone life until the storm passes… more than I fear the storm itself-the outcome of the storm-the damage it causes-the questions it brings. Oh that I can learn to dance in the rain-to seize every moment, even the heart breaking ones, to really LIVE. Making the choice to live means that tragedy will happen, disappointment will come, grief is inevitable. But even making the choice to mourn those tragedies is choosing to live…embracing the storm-dancing in the rain. If I could just be the little girl I once was on those hot Mississippi summer days. My memories are so vivid…it seems strange that it was 20 (or more) years ago. Mississippi summers often brought days of flooding downpour while the sun still blazed high and bright…causing steam to rise from the pavement. What an ironic site. But I loved it, and my mom would put me in my bathing suit and send me outside to dance, to play, to drink up the rain.
Life is often like those summer storms. The sun shines while the rain falls. Life on this earth will always be that way. Never perfect. Always a bit of storm mixed in with the sunshine. Or maybe you’d say it’s a bit of sunshine mixed in with the storm. But if life on this earth was not that way- we wouldn’t long for our true home. After all…this is not our home. This life is not the destination…it's the journey that takes us there.
My prayer for you…and for me…is that we’ll learn to dance in the rain. Drench yourself in God’s sweet mercies, his amazing grace, his unending and unconditional love, and his perfect provision. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it this way until now…but I think that the storms…they’re His perfect provision. I guess we’d never learn to dance in the rain if they never came.

Mission:Lose The Flab

I'm on a mission. Mission: Lose the Flab. My son is now 7 months old...and I'm struggling to get back to where I was pre-baby. Its very frustrating. Your body goes through so many changes when you're pregnant. Its such a weird yet beautiful vision...that belly. If you were like me you continually wondered how your skin was holding in that giant load. When I was pregnant,my belly grew straight out, and my hips...well they spread out. I think I've come to terms with the fact that my hips have permanently separated...its sad, but I'll get through it (hehe!).
Its true. I didn't know it before I got pregnant, but there are some changes that happen that just don't go away. More and more I'm becoming familiar with this new body. I still have some work yet, on my part, that can be done. And I'm committed to taking that extra half hour a day to exercise. Its good for me. It gives me time to rejuvenate, recuperate, and revitalize my tired and weary mind and body. Motherhood is hard work. I don't think anyone out there would disagree.
I want to leave you with this bit of encouragement. We were pregnant for 40 weeks....and its going to take time to get back into shape. Maybe you're reading this and your saying..."I'm already back into my skinny jeans"...well Wooopideedooo! Haha...I'm just kidding. I'm so glad for you. I wish I had an easier time. But every BODY is different. Be thankful if you're excited about swimsuit season. But for those of us who have to put in a little extra work. TAKE HEART MY FLABBY FRIEND. We can do it!
Check out babycenter.com (the new mom body survey, 7000 women tell it like it is) and read the real stories of lots of women across the country revealing their thoughts about their postpartum bodies.
Many blessings on your journey!

fuzzy head

I'll make this one short and sweet. Yesterday was hard. Lots of crying. Lots of poop. Lots of teething. When baby ain't happy, ain't nobody happy (that's how the saying SHOULD go). Coffee was chugged by the potfuls. Headaches pounded like a hammer on the top of my head. Fatigue plagued me with little patience. FINALLY...bed time. Time with daddy brought laughter (like medicine for my weary soul). Not giggles...the kind you want to grab your video camera for....the kind you want to remember when he hits puberty and you're wondering what happened to that sweet little baby. I walk him gingerly up the stairs to his room. Lay him in his bed. He looks up and smiles at me...ear to ear. There's no mistaking it...he loves me. Deep breath...tear trickling down my cheek. I kiss his fuzzy head. Its all worth it. What a precious gift.

Just a Dreamer

Last night I had the strangest dream...but it seemed so real. I dreamed that I was pregnant for the second time. I was nearing the end of the pregnancy and felt as though I was going into labor. So my husband took me to the hospital. I checked in, put on the hospital gown, and layed in the hospital bed waiting for my doctor to arrive. I was experiencing a lot of pain, but the anesthesiologist still hadn't shown up (I'm not the brave kind who can endure a natural child birth). I waited and I waited for the doctor to come. I waited TWO DAYS. By the second day I had realized that I wasn't truly "time" yet. Finally a nurse discharged me...but I was furious that a doctor had never come to examine me and give me some guidance as to where I was in the whole process. I left in a huff and told the administrator I would not be paying for my visit because I was never attended to by the doctor.

I woke up with that strange feeling....like I had just exited another life that wasn't really mine...but felt like it was. You know that feeling after you awake from a dream that evokes a lot of emotion. Its amazing how a dream can do that.

As I sat in front of the computer this morning...reading a daily devotional from "My Utmost for His Highest"...I felt as though the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. I feel like God often speaks to me in my dreams. Maybe that sounds strange to you, but I think that God uses many creative ways to get our attention. I think he meets us where we are. He breaks through the thick fog we often walk in with streams of gleaming light. Its kinda like that first morning light that peaks through the slats of my bedroom blinds. It seems so pure and so bright after coming out of a dark, quiet night.

God made me a dreamer. I see the world with a sense of wonder, adventure, & unlimited possibilities. I have a million dreams and desires, but one dream has always stood out in the crowd. When I make music its as if the world turns from black and white into a rainbow of vivid color. The picture that immediately comes to mind is the movie "The Wizard of Oz". You know the part...its the part where Dorothy opens the door and enters OZ and the movie suddenly changes from black and white, to what seems like the most vibrant colors you've ever seen.

Well since I was five and sang "God's Still Working On Me"...I've longed to be able to live my life as a Singer and Songwriter. But along the road I've had many disappointments, many fears, and at one point gave up hope of it ever coming true...labor pains...and WOW are they painful! This morning God used my dream last night to remind me that his timing isn't mine. His ways aren't mine. He is still growing and developing my dreams to be birthed at just the right time. And just like most things in life...things usually don't turn out how you think they will. Even dreams are accompanied by excruciating pain. But the most amazing thing I've learned as I've walked with God is that it always turns out better than you could have ever imagined. And all that pain is SO worth it in the end. Because what lays before you is the most beautiful gift you've ever known.

I do want recognize before all who are reading that God has ALREADY brought about many of my dreams. One of the biggest and most anticipated my whole life...to find my soul mate...and to be blessed with the ability to carry a child and become a mom. Those are dreams come true, and both came about it such amazing way...once again revealing God's glory.

I was in dire need of a reminder, this morning, that God is a much better writer than I. He has written the storybook of my life much more beautifully than I could ever have myself...and many more exciting chapters follow. I needed that dream...it was the tender nudge I needed to hand the ink bottle back to the TRUE author.